Dating.

Daughters,

This is one I'm very excited about, but before I jump into the advise I have for you all, let me give you my dating history.

For me, dating has been bittersweet for a long time until last summer, and my views have changed a lot up until then.I became a Christian at the end of middle school in 8th grade, but before that my dating experience was anything but holy. I had no real standards, no real expectations for the future, and only really wanted a relationship to have some kind of security (being liked, having someone there). 

After Christ, my perspective changed. I decided I shouldn't date anyone who wasn't a Christian. Unfortunately that was my only standard, and that's easy to fake so I dated a lot of guys with half-hearted relationships to God, if there was anything at all.

Then I started to be more specific, I only wanted strong Christians. Still, this wasn't specific enough. My relationships were not really Christ-centered, which is what I really wanted, and I still left them confused and broken. At this point I stepped back, I re-evaluated what I really wanted in my husband (not just any man) and prayed about this a lot. My standards were at a record high and soon I began to deny anyone, but the guy I really wanted. I created a list of things I couldn't settle for, and prayed over them with passion. I wasn't a perfect and patient girl, but I tried really hard and spent many nights weeping and begging for God to be gracious with me, teach me to love Him more, and help me. 

Through this struggle I learned so much. For anyone in waiting, in struggle, or already dating, I hope you can learn from my struggles, and maybe avoid them yourselves.Here's a list of some things I learned.


1. God is mysterious in relationships.

      This one is huge. Throughout my struggle I went to so many people, book, and other avenues for dating advice. What was my husband to be like, how would I know it was him, what is courtship or dating or marriage supposed to look like. The truth is, no one can tell you what your love story is. No one that is but the One who wrote it. I was so busy asking friends, family, and even married folks, that I forgot to consult my Father. They can't know, because God is mysterious and He doesn't need to give us all the answers, He needs us to trust Him and love Him more, which is exactly what He showed me.

2. You are to be valued. 

     Don't settle for less. Never ever. Although it's cliche, God loves you and He desires more for you that what you've always wanted or than what you need. The guy for you should care for you and honor you. 

Ephesians 5:28, 1 Peter 3:7

3. There is only one necessary relationship.

     You don't have to practice sex to have good sex in marriage. You also don't have to practice relationships with other men to have a good relationship with the one who you're made for.  The Lord can do so much more preparing of your heart when you're single and all your focus is on Him. He wants to be the love of your life first. Don't waste time breaking others hearts, your own, and letting any other person have your affection, any part of it. You don't need a relationship to be fulfilled.

4. Prayer, Prayer, Prayer.

       Who's in control here? So, who can help you in times of need. Let's be honest, relationships are one of the hardest things you'll ever do. You need His help. So just admit it and partake of it freely! It will make this process so much more rewarding and beautiful. When I made my list and prayed for it, I felt like I was already loving my husband before I even knew who he was. When I was distressed, the Lord became my comfort instead of another man. This is your most useful tool.

5. Your parents know best. 

     No one wants to admit it, but you're parents know you very well. They raised you. They have advise on dating, whether they're Christians or not. They're going to be protective of you, and this can be a good thing (although maybe not always). Listen to their advice, consider them, then made decisions on who you will date, or how you will decide to date. For instance, my mom has always had a rule that she must meet who I date before we date. She wants to protect me from anyone who can hurt me. My dad would discipline any  guy who went beyond his rules, strictly, and was very good at protecting me. You're parents want to help you.

6. The Lord cares just as much (if not more) as you do.

     If you're anything like me, waiting is eating you up. Patience isn't easy. Neither is heart ache. I remember watching chik-flicks and dying to be in a relationship. I've always had a deep longing for my husband. Yet, for a long time I was ashamed of this, granted I was almost idolizing him, but still, longing for my husband can be a very good thing. Once I realized that God cared about the subject just as much as I did, I could go to Him in my longing and no longer be ashamed, but ask Him to help me and continue to be understanding.

7. Ask for what you really want and really need. 
      When I made my "husband list" I wasn't afraid to put what I really wanted. I had a few long-lasting relationships, so I definitely knew what I didn't want. I was specific, and I wasn't afraid to put physical things on there too. It helped me remember that if he didn't match with the list, because I was so honest, I knew it wasn't really what I was looking for.
8. Don't worship a man.

     Like I mentioned before, longing can easily become idolism. Sometimes I would go to the bible, pray that God would help me understand what my husband would be like, but to my surprise I would begin reading about my own sinful heart. I began to realize He wanted to be the only thing I long for. My husband isn't going to be worth the affection only my Savior deserves. For all the girls out there who are a little too boy crazy, consider that you are neglecting your true love. He is the only one who deserves your life, love, and heart. Don't let even your husband the throne to your heart. Love him well, but not more.

Remember, this in love I say this to you sisters. I pray God keeps you from straying and close to Himself. Love you all so much,

Chelsy/

10 Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls.

 So, I read a list from another blog with the same title (just so you know, this wasn't an original by me) and it made me think of some things I wish I could tell teenage girls too. If you're interested, HERE is the link to the other post, which is actually very good and I suggest you read as well. Still, here are my ten points.

1. Modesty is a high priority.
     Firstly, modesty does not mean wearing skirts that go to your ankles and sweaters when it's 70 degrees outside. A modest girl is conscious of a few things: the situation, the people, and the heart.

In different situations, different things might be appropriate. You don't necessarily have to worry about what you wear at home, for instance - no one there is going to stumble. With different people, different things may be appropriate or inappropriate. This one probably only relates to what gender you're around. Lastly, your heart. It can be deceitful. The important thing it to try to keep in mind you're body is only for the viewing pleasure of your husband. If you don't have a husband, you don't need to show it off. 

2. Quality friendship is important.
     Girls complain about drama so much. They're so known for gossiping, but fail to recognize good friendship is so lovely and necessary. Friends keep you accountable, friends give you good advice, friends forgive and spend quality time together and protect each other. Guys can be friends too (and should be before you date them). Don't start dating a guy without letting him be your best friend first!


3. You can be trendy and still have money in your bank account.
     I've seen so many teenage girls almost bragging about the amount of clothes in their closet (without mentioning the cost it took to get them there). I used to think that I would only be cool and trendy if I shopped at the name brand stores, until I got my own job and all the weight laid on my shoulders. I found I couldn't pay bills and please the crowd. So I stopped trying to impress other girls and started wearing what I liked (but still, only in being cautious with how much was wise to spend).

A godly woman knows how to manage money well:

Prov. 18 a She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Prov. 20 She opens her hand to the poor

and reaches out her hands to the needy.

4. That business is not the same a productivity.
     I wish someone had told me when I started High School that every waking moment of my schedule would be busy if I wasn't careful. You're time is precious, you only get a little bit on Earth, and there aren't any do-overs. So spend it wisely. Don't bail on homework to hang out with friends, don't bail on family to be the head cheerleader or the lead in the musical. Don't skip school days to sleep in and don't make yourself so stressed that you have to start sleeping in. You have a family you need to start knowing, a future that has expectations, but there is only so much time in a day, so view it with discernment. 


5. Jesus is the only man good enough for you.
     I can't emphasize how crucial this is, but your husband isn't going to cut it. I have a wonderful boyfriend, he's the perfect guy for me. But at the end of the day there's a spot in my heart only one man can fill, and it's not my boyfriend. Ladies in waiting: He is the only one you need to wait for, and that dreamy man will come (or he may not) and he will be just for you, but he is a gift and does not deserve your worship.
Guard your heart- not just from the boys, but from itself.


6. You shouldn't settle for less.
     To go off the last point, that man should be exactly what you need. He doesn't have to be abusive, an alcoholic, unattractive, or rude. I suggest this for all of you struggling with what that man will look like. Pray, and by pray I mean plead- on hands and knees! He will be worth every request, and God hears and desperately cares about these prayers. The heart you have for him is given by your father, so don't be ashamed. Make a list of things you can't settle for -don't be shy to add physical things too- and start asking God to prepare this man. Then pray to be his lovely lady- but not before you're the Lord's brilliant bride.


7. Submission is beautiful. 
     Nothing is more ugly than a rebellious child, wife, student, employee etc. Women who can't be humble and serve with a good heart aren't attractive. It's not cool. It doesn't get you anywhere. Having a good reputation is important, and treating people like they are worth something and respected is so important. Consider your actions and words very carefully.


8. Don't trade yourself for the "better you".
     In middle school I had a group of friends who just weren't like me. They were all much prettier, funnier, and even had different interests. I began trying to be like them to fit in. I didn't find out who I was until my senior year of High School because of that game I began in 6th grade. You are great just the way you are- no matter how cliche that sounds. People will love who you are, even if not everyone loves it, that's not what matters anyway! Don't waste your time being a people-pleaser.


9. Read, pray, and worship as much as you breathe. 
      I've seen too many High School students get caught in that busy schedule and forget what's most important. I did it too. The fact is, you need it to survive and don't forget it. Period.


10. Believe you're beautiful.
     Make-up and clothes are to compliment your already beautiful body. Don't use them to make you beautiful, you already are. Women have a specialty about them that men don't because, while we both can glorify God, women get to glorify Him in a different way. We get to show off His beauty. But constantly altering His creation and damning how we are made don't give Him any glory at all. Realizing you're beautiful just the way you are is confidence, not pride, and give glory to the one who made that temple, that He loves to sing praise over. He is proud of His creation (and called it good once), so you should be too.


Chelsy.

Please Read!

http://theresurgence.com/2012/03/19/for-the-gals-8-principles-for-dating


Quoted text from link above:

I recently came across a 20-year-old photo of Phil and me when we were dating. I started thinking about how very little I knew about relationships, men, and marriage then.

Formulating a list of what I would tell myself back then, my advice began with a stern warning to stay away from any man with a mullet . . . but then again, it was the ’90s—every man had a mullet!

On a more serious note, these are eight principles that would have taken much confusion and heartbreak out of those tumultuous dating years. I hope they help you:

1. Repeat after me: “You are loved.” 

I am not kidding. Repeat. After. Me. Out loud, often, with conviction. These are such simple words to say, but they have the most deep and resounding impact on our souls if we would just believe.
God says to his daughters in Jeremiah: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." Until you have tasted God’s eternal, steadfast, redeeming love, hold off on looking for a man. You may just end up settling for a quick love that cannot fill your core heart’s longing. Even if you are not currently being pursued by a man, you are constantly being pursued by Jesus.

2. You are less beautiful than you think and more beautiful than you believe.

Our sin makes us ugly. No amount of makeup, clothing, or confident, flirtatious façade can change that fact. It takes a humble, redeemed woman changed by God to admit the ugliness of her sin and rest in her beauty in Christ. We must repent of our pride, our shame, our obsession with our looks. We must believe and embrace who God made us to be: beautiful in his image.

“ True beauty emanates from a woman who boldly and unabashedly knows who she is in Christ.”

3. Consider what controls you.

Is it fear, loneliness, demand for a man, seeking approval, career, money?
Let the love of Christ control you. Pay attention to what is controlling your heart as you wait for a date, are in a dating relationship, or even into marriage. We settle for lesser gods than the one who died for us and love us unconditionally.

“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who might live no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” “For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who might live no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” 2 Corinthians 5:14–15

4. Address your daddy issues.

Most of us have them—wounds on our hearts from our earthly fathers and their shortcomings. Whether yours was absent and uninvolved or abusive and abandoning, don’t let him define who you believe your heavenly Father to be. Even if you have a godly and protective father, he is not God.
You are not looking for a dad-duplicate or a dad-replacement in a man. You have a perfect heavenly Father.

“ Let Scripture reveal to you who God is as Dad and what kind of care he gives his daughters.”

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11:13

5. Charm and beauty are not a good dating plan.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

Often, our grand scheme for how to snag a date goes only skin-deep. We put massive pressure on ourselves to pour on the charm and look cute wherever we go, not realizing that a godly man will also be concerned about inner beauty. God certainly is.

"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:4

A woman who fears the Lord is one who, despite her desire for a date, fears being far away from God more than she does missing out on a man who is easily fooled by her exterior.

6. Realize you are already submitting—or are you?

Submission is not only for wives. God asks for a submitted heart now, one that trusts in his provision and plan for your life, including dating. Ultimately, dating, and all of life, is about submission—waiting and trusting God and saying as Jesus does, “Not my will but yours be done.”
This does not, however, leave you helpless, hopeless, and hamstrung in the relationship department. A godly woman can express friendly interest in a brother in Christ.

• It is OK to mingle—but don’t manipulate.
• Peruse—but don’t pursue. Let him initiate.
• Take notice of the godly men serving Jesus around you—but never stalk. It’s creepy.
• Cross paths with a man who interests you—but don’t tackle him.

7. Dress to kill . . .

. . . your evil desires and his. We all know what it’s like to be noticed for what we wear. Your desire to draw attention to yourself is vanity. Do not falsely advertise what is not available to anyone but your future husband. Don’t open the door for men to make assumptions about you by what you wear. Help your brothers in Christ by dressing modestly and appropriately (and by all means, neatly, cleanly, and fashionably!) Check your heart for your motives when you dress.

8. Guard your heart.

Guarding one’s heart is still an issue even if no one is overtly vying for it.  Watch out for the “might be” snare, as in, "He 'might be' flirting with me and so I’m going to get carried away thinking about every possible place [read: marriage] that could lead."
It is entirely possible to honor God, yourself, and a brother in Christ on a date. Don’t elevate him or the relationship to the place that God alone should hold in your heart. Enjoy, don’t idolize . . . and for goodness sake, relax! A cup of coffee does not necessarily mean a diamond ring is soon to follow.

“ As a single woman, give your heart fully, wholly, unabashedly, and devotedly to Christ alone.”

Be active, vigilant, and careful about how much of your heart you give to a man. Be able to walk away from a dating relationship with your whole heart intact so that your future husband is not robbed of part of it down the road. Prayerfully consider what, when, how much to give away.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Jealousy.

Daughters,

The Lord, He is a jealous God.
The Father, He disciplines His children well.
The Creator, He made us for His own purpose.
My Jesus, He died, yet now He lives.

I look at so many people today who stir the Lord to jealousy. We may claim His grace and try to relish in love, but it's like flirting with other men and then when they ask for your number saying, "Oh, I have a boyfriend."
God is so jealous, sisters, of His beautiful Daughter. If you need more proof look to Israel, Ruth, Paul, even His Son, and see that He has relentless, overwhelming, powerful, LOVE. 
Beautiful girl, look at your life. Do you love Him like He loves you? If you object and claim you love Him more, argue your case! If you have any sense humble yourself before Him and accept His loving arms.

Daughters, my heart aches today at this realization.Our Father longs to see us grow into the woman He envisioned when He formed us in the womb. Yet, we go against His plans, and even curse Him in the process. Our hearts wander away and we fall in love with others who are unworthy of our love.

For me, it's easier to understand something as a metaphor:

A 6 year old girl decides to runaway from home. Today her Father sent her to her room. All she really wanted was to go into the spare room her Dad warned her never to enter. You see, her Father loved to hunt and in this room He kept His guns and other things that would be dangerous for her to be around. Today she snuck into the room when she thought He wasn't looking. He saw her enter the room, He rushed to her and grabbed her to pull her from the room. She cried, complaining He hurt her arm, although He would never harm her. He looked at her sternly, He had a hard conversation with her, and sent her to her room.

As the girl cried in bed, terrible thoughts raced through her head. She began to convince herself that her Father hated her, that she was nothing, but trouble and it would be better if she were gone. She convinced herself He was really just evil and mean and could never love her after how He had treated her.

She made up her mind to leave home and never come back. As she creeped out the window she fell on thorns. She made her way up the street, losing sight of direction more and more as she passed each house. Finally it was dark, cold, and she was totally lost. Her feet were sore, her eyes wet with tears and her stomach empty. She fell to the ground. She remembered her Dad's cooking, how He had taught her to ride a bike, and how He always knew how to cheer her up. How ridiculous of her to ever forget He loved her!

She wanted to go back home. Still, she was so lost and so scared and had no where to go. She started running in any direction, hoping one would help her find her home. It seemed like hours had passed and she made no progress. "Why wasn't He coming for her." She lost all hope again and started to believe maybe He really didn't love her, maybe it really was better for her to run away. Only now she just wished that wasn't true.

That's when the Voices started calling out. Although she couldn't make out what It was saying, she knew that Voice. She wailed and cried as loud as she could, hoping desperately He would hear her. The voice came closer and closer until she saw that flashlight searching her out. She cried harder than she had the whole night until it almost blinded her, and her feet hit the pavement as her little legs tried to pick up their pace. Her Father's arms had never squeezed her tighter and His face was more wet than hers. They clung to each other as if one hole between them would separate them forever. He took her home and buried her in His arms, and she vowed to never leave again.


Daughters, a Father does love you. You aren't junk. You aren't a project. You're confusing discipline with hatred, and obedience with hardship. When you Father looks at you, He doesn't see a burden, He sees a girl, who will someday, with a lot of hard work and love, will become a woman. Don't lose hope, don't forget.

Jeremiah 3:12b-14, 19
“‘Return, faithless Israel,

declares the Lord.

I will not look on you in anger,

for I am merciful,

declares the Lord;

I will not be angry forever.

13 Only acknowledge your guilt,

that you rebelled against the Lord your God

and scattered your favors among foreigners under every green tree,

and that you have not obeyed my voice,

declares the Lord.

14 Return, O faithless children,

declares the Lord;

for I am your master;

I will take you, one from a city and two from a family,

and I will bring you to Zion.

“‘I said,

How I would set you among my sons,

and give you a pleasant land,

a heritage most beautiful of all nations.

And I thought you would call me, My Father,

and would not turn from following me.

Chelsy

Purpose.

Dear Daughters,

My name is Chelsy. I'm 19 years old and I am a Daughter of the Most High King. This wasn't always the case for me, and by no means do I deserve this awesome gift. Growing up I struggled with sexual sin, misuse of alcohol, terrible attitudes, but worst of all a terrible view of what my purpose was. To me, having a guy was the only thing that mattered. Especially in middle school, I struggled and fought for the attention of others, especially any guy who promised me affection.
I wish I could say one day the light hit me and I turned over a new leaf and became this awesome woman, but that's not my story. I've not been saved for about 5 years. My first year of salvation was spent locked in sin, not realizing this new life called for a new way of living. The next two to three years were spent battling this sin.
This portion of my life is the most significant point I want to discuss. For the longest time I felt trapped in my sin. Even though I wasn't doing things "nearly as sinful" as before, I still felt guilt and shame plaguing my heart, and so much temptation I felt I could never be free from. In was in this period of the time the Lord began to shake my foundations more and more.

Daughters, this blog has a specific purpose:
It is to help you relate to someone for once.
To be real about where we have been and not be ashamed or proud, but realize what the Lord has done/will do.
To instill confidence and hope.
Lastly, to run into His arms and be the Daughter He longs for you to be. (Knowing our real purpose.)

The point is this: We are Daughters of a very prestigious God, who loves and cherishes and desires only our good, who longs to see us turn to Him. We are not what the world says we are.

Chelsy.