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http://theresurgence.com/2012/03/19/for-the-gals-8-principles-for-dating


Quoted text from link above:

I recently came across a 20-year-old photo of Phil and me when we were dating. I started thinking about how very little I knew about relationships, men, and marriage then.

Formulating a list of what I would tell myself back then, my advice began with a stern warning to stay away from any man with a mullet . . . but then again, it was the ’90s—every man had a mullet!

On a more serious note, these are eight principles that would have taken much confusion and heartbreak out of those tumultuous dating years. I hope they help you:

1. Repeat after me: “You are loved.” 

I am not kidding. Repeat. After. Me. Out loud, often, with conviction. These are such simple words to say, but they have the most deep and resounding impact on our souls if we would just believe.
God says to his daughters in Jeremiah: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." Until you have tasted God’s eternal, steadfast, redeeming love, hold off on looking for a man. You may just end up settling for a quick love that cannot fill your core heart’s longing. Even if you are not currently being pursued by a man, you are constantly being pursued by Jesus.

2. You are less beautiful than you think and more beautiful than you believe.

Our sin makes us ugly. No amount of makeup, clothing, or confident, flirtatious façade can change that fact. It takes a humble, redeemed woman changed by God to admit the ugliness of her sin and rest in her beauty in Christ. We must repent of our pride, our shame, our obsession with our looks. We must believe and embrace who God made us to be: beautiful in his image.

“ True beauty emanates from a woman who boldly and unabashedly knows who she is in Christ.”

3. Consider what controls you.

Is it fear, loneliness, demand for a man, seeking approval, career, money?
Let the love of Christ control you. Pay attention to what is controlling your heart as you wait for a date, are in a dating relationship, or even into marriage. We settle for lesser gods than the one who died for us and love us unconditionally.

“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who might live no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” “For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who might live no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” 2 Corinthians 5:14–15

4. Address your daddy issues.

Most of us have them—wounds on our hearts from our earthly fathers and their shortcomings. Whether yours was absent and uninvolved or abusive and abandoning, don’t let him define who you believe your heavenly Father to be. Even if you have a godly and protective father, he is not God.
You are not looking for a dad-duplicate or a dad-replacement in a man. You have a perfect heavenly Father.

“ Let Scripture reveal to you who God is as Dad and what kind of care he gives his daughters.”

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11:13

5. Charm and beauty are not a good dating plan.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

Often, our grand scheme for how to snag a date goes only skin-deep. We put massive pressure on ourselves to pour on the charm and look cute wherever we go, not realizing that a godly man will also be concerned about inner beauty. God certainly is.

"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:4

A woman who fears the Lord is one who, despite her desire for a date, fears being far away from God more than she does missing out on a man who is easily fooled by her exterior.

6. Realize you are already submitting—or are you?

Submission is not only for wives. God asks for a submitted heart now, one that trusts in his provision and plan for your life, including dating. Ultimately, dating, and all of life, is about submission—waiting and trusting God and saying as Jesus does, “Not my will but yours be done.”
This does not, however, leave you helpless, hopeless, and hamstrung in the relationship department. A godly woman can express friendly interest in a brother in Christ.

• It is OK to mingle—but don’t manipulate.
• Peruse—but don’t pursue. Let him initiate.
• Take notice of the godly men serving Jesus around you—but never stalk. It’s creepy.
• Cross paths with a man who interests you—but don’t tackle him.

7. Dress to kill . . .

. . . your evil desires and his. We all know what it’s like to be noticed for what we wear. Your desire to draw attention to yourself is vanity. Do not falsely advertise what is not available to anyone but your future husband. Don’t open the door for men to make assumptions about you by what you wear. Help your brothers in Christ by dressing modestly and appropriately (and by all means, neatly, cleanly, and fashionably!) Check your heart for your motives when you dress.

8. Guard your heart.

Guarding one’s heart is still an issue even if no one is overtly vying for it.  Watch out for the “might be” snare, as in, "He 'might be' flirting with me and so I’m going to get carried away thinking about every possible place [read: marriage] that could lead."
It is entirely possible to honor God, yourself, and a brother in Christ on a date. Don’t elevate him or the relationship to the place that God alone should hold in your heart. Enjoy, don’t idolize . . . and for goodness sake, relax! A cup of coffee does not necessarily mean a diamond ring is soon to follow.

“ As a single woman, give your heart fully, wholly, unabashedly, and devotedly to Christ alone.”

Be active, vigilant, and careful about how much of your heart you give to a man. Be able to walk away from a dating relationship with your whole heart intact so that your future husband is not robbed of part of it down the road. Prayerfully consider what, when, how much to give away.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Jealousy.

Daughters,

The Lord, He is a jealous God.
The Father, He disciplines His children well.
The Creator, He made us for His own purpose.
My Jesus, He died, yet now He lives.

I look at so many people today who stir the Lord to jealousy. We may claim His grace and try to relish in love, but it's like flirting with other men and then when they ask for your number saying, "Oh, I have a boyfriend."
God is so jealous, sisters, of His beautiful Daughter. If you need more proof look to Israel, Ruth, Paul, even His Son, and see that He has relentless, overwhelming, powerful, LOVE. 
Beautiful girl, look at your life. Do you love Him like He loves you? If you object and claim you love Him more, argue your case! If you have any sense humble yourself before Him and accept His loving arms.

Daughters, my heart aches today at this realization.Our Father longs to see us grow into the woman He envisioned when He formed us in the womb. Yet, we go against His plans, and even curse Him in the process. Our hearts wander away and we fall in love with others who are unworthy of our love.

For me, it's easier to understand something as a metaphor:

A 6 year old girl decides to runaway from home. Today her Father sent her to her room. All she really wanted was to go into the spare room her Dad warned her never to enter. You see, her Father loved to hunt and in this room He kept His guns and other things that would be dangerous for her to be around. Today she snuck into the room when she thought He wasn't looking. He saw her enter the room, He rushed to her and grabbed her to pull her from the room. She cried, complaining He hurt her arm, although He would never harm her. He looked at her sternly, He had a hard conversation with her, and sent her to her room.

As the girl cried in bed, terrible thoughts raced through her head. She began to convince herself that her Father hated her, that she was nothing, but trouble and it would be better if she were gone. She convinced herself He was really just evil and mean and could never love her after how He had treated her.

She made up her mind to leave home and never come back. As she creeped out the window she fell on thorns. She made her way up the street, losing sight of direction more and more as she passed each house. Finally it was dark, cold, and she was totally lost. Her feet were sore, her eyes wet with tears and her stomach empty. She fell to the ground. She remembered her Dad's cooking, how He had taught her to ride a bike, and how He always knew how to cheer her up. How ridiculous of her to ever forget He loved her!

She wanted to go back home. Still, she was so lost and so scared and had no where to go. She started running in any direction, hoping one would help her find her home. It seemed like hours had passed and she made no progress. "Why wasn't He coming for her." She lost all hope again and started to believe maybe He really didn't love her, maybe it really was better for her to run away. Only now she just wished that wasn't true.

That's when the Voices started calling out. Although she couldn't make out what It was saying, she knew that Voice. She wailed and cried as loud as she could, hoping desperately He would hear her. The voice came closer and closer until she saw that flashlight searching her out. She cried harder than she had the whole night until it almost blinded her, and her feet hit the pavement as her little legs tried to pick up their pace. Her Father's arms had never squeezed her tighter and His face was more wet than hers. They clung to each other as if one hole between them would separate them forever. He took her home and buried her in His arms, and she vowed to never leave again.


Daughters, a Father does love you. You aren't junk. You aren't a project. You're confusing discipline with hatred, and obedience with hardship. When you Father looks at you, He doesn't see a burden, He sees a girl, who will someday, with a lot of hard work and love, will become a woman. Don't lose hope, don't forget.

Jeremiah 3:12b-14, 19
“‘Return, faithless Israel,

declares the Lord.

I will not look on you in anger,

for I am merciful,

declares the Lord;

I will not be angry forever.

13 Only acknowledge your guilt,

that you rebelled against the Lord your God

and scattered your favors among foreigners under every green tree,

and that you have not obeyed my voice,

declares the Lord.

14 Return, O faithless children,

declares the Lord;

for I am your master;

I will take you, one from a city and two from a family,

and I will bring you to Zion.

“‘I said,

How I would set you among my sons,

and give you a pleasant land,

a heritage most beautiful of all nations.

And I thought you would call me, My Father,

and would not turn from following me.

Chelsy

Purpose.

Dear Daughters,

My name is Chelsy. I'm 19 years old and I am a Daughter of the Most High King. This wasn't always the case for me, and by no means do I deserve this awesome gift. Growing up I struggled with sexual sin, misuse of alcohol, terrible attitudes, but worst of all a terrible view of what my purpose was. To me, having a guy was the only thing that mattered. Especially in middle school, I struggled and fought for the attention of others, especially any guy who promised me affection.
I wish I could say one day the light hit me and I turned over a new leaf and became this awesome woman, but that's not my story. I've not been saved for about 5 years. My first year of salvation was spent locked in sin, not realizing this new life called for a new way of living. The next two to three years were spent battling this sin.
This portion of my life is the most significant point I want to discuss. For the longest time I felt trapped in my sin. Even though I wasn't doing things "nearly as sinful" as before, I still felt guilt and shame plaguing my heart, and so much temptation I felt I could never be free from. In was in this period of the time the Lord began to shake my foundations more and more.

Daughters, this blog has a specific purpose:
It is to help you relate to someone for once.
To be real about where we have been and not be ashamed or proud, but realize what the Lord has done/will do.
To instill confidence and hope.
Lastly, to run into His arms and be the Daughter He longs for you to be. (Knowing our real purpose.)

The point is this: We are Daughters of a very prestigious God, who loves and cherishes and desires only our good, who longs to see us turn to Him. We are not what the world says we are.

Chelsy.