Dating.

Daughters,

This is one I'm very excited about, but before I jump into the advise I have for you all, let me give you my dating history.

For me, dating has been bittersweet for a long time until last summer, and my views have changed a lot up until then.I became a Christian at the end of middle school in 8th grade, but before that my dating experience was anything but holy. I had no real standards, no real expectations for the future, and only really wanted a relationship to have some kind of security (being liked, having someone there). 

After Christ, my perspective changed. I decided I shouldn't date anyone who wasn't a Christian. Unfortunately that was my only standard, and that's easy to fake so I dated a lot of guys with half-hearted relationships to God, if there was anything at all.

Then I started to be more specific, I only wanted strong Christians. Still, this wasn't specific enough. My relationships were not really Christ-centered, which is what I really wanted, and I still left them confused and broken. At this point I stepped back, I re-evaluated what I really wanted in my husband (not just any man) and prayed about this a lot. My standards were at a record high and soon I began to deny anyone, but the guy I really wanted. I created a list of things I couldn't settle for, and prayed over them with passion. I wasn't a perfect and patient girl, but I tried really hard and spent many nights weeping and begging for God to be gracious with me, teach me to love Him more, and help me. 

Through this struggle I learned so much. For anyone in waiting, in struggle, or already dating, I hope you can learn from my struggles, and maybe avoid them yourselves.Here's a list of some things I learned.


1. God is mysterious in relationships.

      This one is huge. Throughout my struggle I went to so many people, book, and other avenues for dating advice. What was my husband to be like, how would I know it was him, what is courtship or dating or marriage supposed to look like. The truth is, no one can tell you what your love story is. No one that is but the One who wrote it. I was so busy asking friends, family, and even married folks, that I forgot to consult my Father. They can't know, because God is mysterious and He doesn't need to give us all the answers, He needs us to trust Him and love Him more, which is exactly what He showed me.

2. You are to be valued. 

     Don't settle for less. Never ever. Although it's cliche, God loves you and He desires more for you that what you've always wanted or than what you need. The guy for you should care for you and honor you. 

Ephesians 5:28, 1 Peter 3:7

3. There is only one necessary relationship.

     You don't have to practice sex to have good sex in marriage. You also don't have to practice relationships with other men to have a good relationship with the one who you're made for.  The Lord can do so much more preparing of your heart when you're single and all your focus is on Him. He wants to be the love of your life first. Don't waste time breaking others hearts, your own, and letting any other person have your affection, any part of it. You don't need a relationship to be fulfilled.

4. Prayer, Prayer, Prayer.

       Who's in control here? So, who can help you in times of need. Let's be honest, relationships are one of the hardest things you'll ever do. You need His help. So just admit it and partake of it freely! It will make this process so much more rewarding and beautiful. When I made my list and prayed for it, I felt like I was already loving my husband before I even knew who he was. When I was distressed, the Lord became my comfort instead of another man. This is your most useful tool.

5. Your parents know best. 

     No one wants to admit it, but you're parents know you very well. They raised you. They have advise on dating, whether they're Christians or not. They're going to be protective of you, and this can be a good thing (although maybe not always). Listen to their advice, consider them, then made decisions on who you will date, or how you will decide to date. For instance, my mom has always had a rule that she must meet who I date before we date. She wants to protect me from anyone who can hurt me. My dad would discipline any  guy who went beyond his rules, strictly, and was very good at protecting me. You're parents want to help you.

6. The Lord cares just as much (if not more) as you do.

     If you're anything like me, waiting is eating you up. Patience isn't easy. Neither is heart ache. I remember watching chik-flicks and dying to be in a relationship. I've always had a deep longing for my husband. Yet, for a long time I was ashamed of this, granted I was almost idolizing him, but still, longing for my husband can be a very good thing. Once I realized that God cared about the subject just as much as I did, I could go to Him in my longing and no longer be ashamed, but ask Him to help me and continue to be understanding.

7. Ask for what you really want and really need. 
      When I made my "husband list" I wasn't afraid to put what I really wanted. I had a few long-lasting relationships, so I definitely knew what I didn't want. I was specific, and I wasn't afraid to put physical things on there too. It helped me remember that if he didn't match with the list, because I was so honest, I knew it wasn't really what I was looking for.
8. Don't worship a man.

     Like I mentioned before, longing can easily become idolism. Sometimes I would go to the bible, pray that God would help me understand what my husband would be like, but to my surprise I would begin reading about my own sinful heart. I began to realize He wanted to be the only thing I long for. My husband isn't going to be worth the affection only my Savior deserves. For all the girls out there who are a little too boy crazy, consider that you are neglecting your true love. He is the only one who deserves your life, love, and heart. Don't let even your husband the throne to your heart. Love him well, but not more.

Remember, this in love I say this to you sisters. I pray God keeps you from straying and close to Himself. Love you all so much,

Chelsy/

10 Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls.

 So, I read a list from another blog with the same title (just so you know, this wasn't an original by me) and it made me think of some things I wish I could tell teenage girls too. If you're interested, HERE is the link to the other post, which is actually very good and I suggest you read as well. Still, here are my ten points.

1. Modesty is a high priority.
     Firstly, modesty does not mean wearing skirts that go to your ankles and sweaters when it's 70 degrees outside. A modest girl is conscious of a few things: the situation, the people, and the heart.

In different situations, different things might be appropriate. You don't necessarily have to worry about what you wear at home, for instance - no one there is going to stumble. With different people, different things may be appropriate or inappropriate. This one probably only relates to what gender you're around. Lastly, your heart. It can be deceitful. The important thing it to try to keep in mind you're body is only for the viewing pleasure of your husband. If you don't have a husband, you don't need to show it off. 

2. Quality friendship is important.
     Girls complain about drama so much. They're so known for gossiping, but fail to recognize good friendship is so lovely and necessary. Friends keep you accountable, friends give you good advice, friends forgive and spend quality time together and protect each other. Guys can be friends too (and should be before you date them). Don't start dating a guy without letting him be your best friend first!


3. You can be trendy and still have money in your bank account.
     I've seen so many teenage girls almost bragging about the amount of clothes in their closet (without mentioning the cost it took to get them there). I used to think that I would only be cool and trendy if I shopped at the name brand stores, until I got my own job and all the weight laid on my shoulders. I found I couldn't pay bills and please the crowd. So I stopped trying to impress other girls and started wearing what I liked (but still, only in being cautious with how much was wise to spend).

A godly woman knows how to manage money well:

Prov. 18 a She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Prov. 20 She opens her hand to the poor

and reaches out her hands to the needy.

4. That business is not the same a productivity.
     I wish someone had told me when I started High School that every waking moment of my schedule would be busy if I wasn't careful. You're time is precious, you only get a little bit on Earth, and there aren't any do-overs. So spend it wisely. Don't bail on homework to hang out with friends, don't bail on family to be the head cheerleader or the lead in the musical. Don't skip school days to sleep in and don't make yourself so stressed that you have to start sleeping in. You have a family you need to start knowing, a future that has expectations, but there is only so much time in a day, so view it with discernment. 


5. Jesus is the only man good enough for you.
     I can't emphasize how crucial this is, but your husband isn't going to cut it. I have a wonderful boyfriend, he's the perfect guy for me. But at the end of the day there's a spot in my heart only one man can fill, and it's not my boyfriend. Ladies in waiting: He is the only one you need to wait for, and that dreamy man will come (or he may not) and he will be just for you, but he is a gift and does not deserve your worship.
Guard your heart- not just from the boys, but from itself.


6. You shouldn't settle for less.
     To go off the last point, that man should be exactly what you need. He doesn't have to be abusive, an alcoholic, unattractive, or rude. I suggest this for all of you struggling with what that man will look like. Pray, and by pray I mean plead- on hands and knees! He will be worth every request, and God hears and desperately cares about these prayers. The heart you have for him is given by your father, so don't be ashamed. Make a list of things you can't settle for -don't be shy to add physical things too- and start asking God to prepare this man. Then pray to be his lovely lady- but not before you're the Lord's brilliant bride.


7. Submission is beautiful. 
     Nothing is more ugly than a rebellious child, wife, student, employee etc. Women who can't be humble and serve with a good heart aren't attractive. It's not cool. It doesn't get you anywhere. Having a good reputation is important, and treating people like they are worth something and respected is so important. Consider your actions and words very carefully.


8. Don't trade yourself for the "better you".
     In middle school I had a group of friends who just weren't like me. They were all much prettier, funnier, and even had different interests. I began trying to be like them to fit in. I didn't find out who I was until my senior year of High School because of that game I began in 6th grade. You are great just the way you are- no matter how cliche that sounds. People will love who you are, even if not everyone loves it, that's not what matters anyway! Don't waste your time being a people-pleaser.


9. Read, pray, and worship as much as you breathe. 
      I've seen too many High School students get caught in that busy schedule and forget what's most important. I did it too. The fact is, you need it to survive and don't forget it. Period.


10. Believe you're beautiful.
     Make-up and clothes are to compliment your already beautiful body. Don't use them to make you beautiful, you already are. Women have a specialty about them that men don't because, while we both can glorify God, women get to glorify Him in a different way. We get to show off His beauty. But constantly altering His creation and damning how we are made don't give Him any glory at all. Realizing you're beautiful just the way you are is confidence, not pride, and give glory to the one who made that temple, that He loves to sing praise over. He is proud of His creation (and called it good once), so you should be too.


Chelsy.