Dating.

Daughters,

This is one I'm very excited about, but before I jump into the advise I have for you all, let me give you my dating history.

For me, dating has been bittersweet for a long time until last summer, and my views have changed a lot up until then.I became a Christian at the end of middle school in 8th grade, but before that my dating experience was anything but holy. I had no real standards, no real expectations for the future, and only really wanted a relationship to have some kind of security (being liked, having someone there). 

After Christ, my perspective changed. I decided I shouldn't date anyone who wasn't a Christian. Unfortunately that was my only standard, and that's easy to fake so I dated a lot of guys with half-hearted relationships to God, if there was anything at all.

Then I started to be more specific, I only wanted strong Christians. Still, this wasn't specific enough. My relationships were not really Christ-centered, which is what I really wanted, and I still left them confused and broken. At this point I stepped back, I re-evaluated what I really wanted in my husband (not just any man) and prayed about this a lot. My standards were at a record high and soon I began to deny anyone, but the guy I really wanted. I created a list of things I couldn't settle for, and prayed over them with passion. I wasn't a perfect and patient girl, but I tried really hard and spent many nights weeping and begging for God to be gracious with me, teach me to love Him more, and help me. 

Through this struggle I learned so much. For anyone in waiting, in struggle, or already dating, I hope you can learn from my struggles, and maybe avoid them yourselves.Here's a list of some things I learned.


1. God is mysterious in relationships.

      This one is huge. Throughout my struggle I went to so many people, book, and other avenues for dating advice. What was my husband to be like, how would I know it was him, what is courtship or dating or marriage supposed to look like. The truth is, no one can tell you what your love story is. No one that is but the One who wrote it. I was so busy asking friends, family, and even married folks, that I forgot to consult my Father. They can't know, because God is mysterious and He doesn't need to give us all the answers, He needs us to trust Him and love Him more, which is exactly what He showed me.

2. You are to be valued. 

     Don't settle for less. Never ever. Although it's cliche, God loves you and He desires more for you that what you've always wanted or than what you need. The guy for you should care for you and honor you. 

Ephesians 5:28, 1 Peter 3:7

3. There is only one necessary relationship.

     You don't have to practice sex to have good sex in marriage. You also don't have to practice relationships with other men to have a good relationship with the one who you're made for.  The Lord can do so much more preparing of your heart when you're single and all your focus is on Him. He wants to be the love of your life first. Don't waste time breaking others hearts, your own, and letting any other person have your affection, any part of it. You don't need a relationship to be fulfilled.

4. Prayer, Prayer, Prayer.

       Who's in control here? So, who can help you in times of need. Let's be honest, relationships are one of the hardest things you'll ever do. You need His help. So just admit it and partake of it freely! It will make this process so much more rewarding and beautiful. When I made my list and prayed for it, I felt like I was already loving my husband before I even knew who he was. When I was distressed, the Lord became my comfort instead of another man. This is your most useful tool.

5. Your parents know best. 

     No one wants to admit it, but you're parents know you very well. They raised you. They have advise on dating, whether they're Christians or not. They're going to be protective of you, and this can be a good thing (although maybe not always). Listen to their advice, consider them, then made decisions on who you will date, or how you will decide to date. For instance, my mom has always had a rule that she must meet who I date before we date. She wants to protect me from anyone who can hurt me. My dad would discipline any  guy who went beyond his rules, strictly, and was very good at protecting me. You're parents want to help you.

6. The Lord cares just as much (if not more) as you do.

     If you're anything like me, waiting is eating you up. Patience isn't easy. Neither is heart ache. I remember watching chik-flicks and dying to be in a relationship. I've always had a deep longing for my husband. Yet, for a long time I was ashamed of this, granted I was almost idolizing him, but still, longing for my husband can be a very good thing. Once I realized that God cared about the subject just as much as I did, I could go to Him in my longing and no longer be ashamed, but ask Him to help me and continue to be understanding.

7. Ask for what you really want and really need. 
      When I made my "husband list" I wasn't afraid to put what I really wanted. I had a few long-lasting relationships, so I definitely knew what I didn't want. I was specific, and I wasn't afraid to put physical things on there too. It helped me remember that if he didn't match with the list, because I was so honest, I knew it wasn't really what I was looking for.
8. Don't worship a man.

     Like I mentioned before, longing can easily become idolism. Sometimes I would go to the bible, pray that God would help me understand what my husband would be like, but to my surprise I would begin reading about my own sinful heart. I began to realize He wanted to be the only thing I long for. My husband isn't going to be worth the affection only my Savior deserves. For all the girls out there who are a little too boy crazy, consider that you are neglecting your true love. He is the only one who deserves your life, love, and heart. Don't let even your husband the throne to your heart. Love him well, but not more.

Remember, this in love I say this to you sisters. I pray God keeps you from straying and close to Himself. Love you all so much,

Chelsy/