Monday, September 2, 2013

We've Moved!

This blog is no longer being posted to Blogger. It has now moved to Wordpress. If you are not a member of Wordpress please still feel free to follow the blog here:
If not you can always follow via Facebook under The Journey here:

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I Will Fight For You.


to be honest I'm not sure how much I have to share about what's on my heart. This past week, while out of the country, something peculiar happened with God and me. He reached out.

To allow you to see how peculiar this is, I'll back up. Two years ago, as of March 1st, my Father killed himself. On one hand I could say he abandoned me, I could call it a loss, I could say he left this Earth, or that he just gave up. No matter how I look at it one thing is for sure, I'm fatherless.

They talk about it in the Bible. They would group me in the same category as the oppressed, the widows, and the orphans.  The weak ones who need our help, what most people would confuse as pity. Those people you never thought you would be.

The first year was difficult. Three months in I found myself in my bedroom drowned in sorrow far too often. That summer I felt isolated. In the winter strangely calm. Somehow a year later I felt completely numb. Until about 3 weeks ago, that's exactly where I stayed. Numb.

I began to believe lies over the course of time; that God wasn't here, He didn't care, He was silent, He was definitely not a Father to me, that this would plague me for the rest of my life. Especially the lie that healing was not possible for me. 

In trying to comfort me, people would remind me that no one could understand what I was going through. But that was one of the biggest lies. I began to believe, through that that I could not connect with anyone emotionally on this issue, that this was my burden to bear, alone, and that God Himself didn't understand my pain.

However, I became numb to even these emotions. Because, you see, we convince ourselves that we have to be "good Christians". That we can't step out of line and be so faithless, we can't be angry or confused at God, we can't question what's happened to us. We have to understand there's a purpose etc. etc. We begin to banish our emotions because they simple aren't acceptable.

Oh, but then there's Job. Everyone loves the first few chapters. He lands on his knees, crying that it's all in God's hands, but they forget that for the rest of the book Job is battling lies. Everyone condemns his grief, but God doesn't once say Job does wrong until he finally breaks down in anger at God Himself.

Then God restores him.

I'd like to say, then God was able to restore him, if I may. This has been my trial, that all this time I've become subject to the lies, denied the emotions and then finally God broke through. I began to pray that I would feel again, that He would restore me. The emotion He gave me was anger. I began to be angry at Him, at family, friends, my fiancé, and then finally after 2 weeks of tireless emotion I realized why.

I was angry at my dad all this time and I was angry at God. The funny thing about God showing me this is that anger seems to be one of the emotions that you can easily become ashamed with. That bitterness and rage can't be masked by excuses, it just reveals truly how evil and sinful your heart is. There's nowhere left to hide at that point, all you can do is repent.

I say in a room with 30 people in Ecuador, with bitter tears on my face and pleaded to God for the first time to save me from my own angry heart. And He did. He answered in such due timing, just like He said He would. Just like I saw He did to David in so many Psalms and hoped He would do for me.

I feel I could go on and on about the depth of sin that was washed from my heart. This entry can't do it justice. But something I do want to share with you, as Daughters of the King, is something our Daddy showed me.

He showed me He was my Father.

I woke up, the morning after coming home from Ecuador, turned over and read one of the most awful text messages in my life. Someone bringing me trouble, it felt like the Enemy himself. It should have read, "Chelsy, see how awful this life is, God isn't here, just give up, your family will never be restored." I stared at the screen, with a different type of numbness. It was one of those moments I said to myself, "This is when I wish my dad was here, he would protect me from this, he wouldn't let this happen." Before I got the chance to finish the thought, which I had thought many times before, it hit me.
My Father is here to protect me.

Peace settled in like a close friend to my heart. I looked at the phone and felt calm, which was much different than I had before. My Dad spoke and told me that He would take care of it if I let Him, He said that it was nothing for Him, but if I carried it, like I had before, it would break me. He didn't have to prove Himself there. He assured me that I didn't need to respond, after all, when He was accused by His enemies He didn't have to speak up for Himself either. I put the phone down. I wrote it out in my journal and then it was gone.

But something more miraculous had happened. I let the One who adopted me finally have a chance to gain my trust. Can you imagine a Father being calm with His newly adopted daughter for two years, hoping she would stop pretending everything was okay and sitting at the dinner table even convincing herself that she wasn't upset at all. Then she finally gets mad and refuses to speak with Him for weeks. To finally have communion again.
He waited all this time.

I hope this encourages you Sister.


Friday, January 11, 2013

Why Wait?

Dear Daughters,

The closer you get to marriage the harder it is to understand. Why wait until we're married to have sex? I mean, we're getting married one day anyway? The only difference between now and then is a paper with our signatures, a new last name and some other minor details. Besides, how does a traditional ceremony change our relationship?

So why wait?

I could write you a novel on the topic; Been There Done That would be the title. I used to convince myself in my first relationships everything in the previous paragraph. Now, I'm in a relationship I have even more confidence in and waiting is not grievance, but a tremendous blessing. Having sex with the same person for the rest of my life and waiting until our wedding night is a joy. There are certain characteristics that show in people falling prey to the lie that waiting doesn't make it different.

Men and women who don't wait show a lack of self-control.
I sat down with Jeffrey one night. We agreed when we first started dating to set specific boundaries, we agreed we needed to be open about sex and communicate our feelings, anticipations, and fears very openly. Still, there were safe boundaries of communication, making sure we guarded our own hearts from temptation. This kept us pure, kept us anticipating, and shows self control.

Men and women who don't wait are avoiding Biblical conviction.
(this is going to be my most lengthy point)

Let me clear, I'm speaking to believers here. For those who don't believe, you may or may not face conviction. How can I preach to you do right without teaching you grace?
But for those who have faith, claim Christ, but behind the scenes their under the covers, how can you not have conviction? If you don't, it's what I would call spiritual numbness. Let me go on a tangent for a moment to speak to this group:
It was just like every other time. We said we wouldn't do it again - not that we were having sex, but it was close enough for discomfort- yet there we were, struggling to say no. I'll spare you details, but by the end it I felt no guilt. Every other time there was a silence that followed and you could feel the shame in the air, weighing down our hearts. The apologizes would follow and the promises I knew wouldn't be kept. I didn't want to do it anymore, but I didn't know how to stop. This time I didn't feel a thing, I was totally numb to any conviction. I just didn't care anymore.
Luckily this wasn't the end to my story, but for those of you there, conviction can't be all about emotion. There's logic to it too. This does not please God and He actually has better for you.

Men and women who don't wait miss out.

"Miss out?! What can be better than sex?"

How about a godly relationship that can show others His character? You miss out on this huge blessing when you throw conviction aside. How about a confidence and security that only come from sex within marriage (which we'll talk more about)? How about the freedom that comes outside of sin?

You may think that you're getting all the perks of marriage without the commitment, but really you're missing the whole point! Let me explain with an example. When Jeffrey and I sit down and discuss sex in a way that keeps us both on the same page (without being graphic or cuddling up real close) we find security in our relationship. If Jeffrey were to take what he thinks he deserves I always run the risk (not matter how sure I think I am) that he might not choose to be in a relationship with me down the road. There's also this stange peace that comes from the fact that this man loves me and desires to please me, much more than just sexually!

Which brings me to my next point.

Men and women who don't wait miss the point of marriage.

It's not sex (who knew!?). It's humility, grace, unity, prayer, responsibility, love, compassion, service, partnership, love... love.. and then some sex to show more love and service and... you get the point (hopefully). If you were only waiting for you're wedding day to have sex, you're going to be disappointed. Because sex doesn't last. If that's driving your idea of marriage and your relationship, you're missing out.

My friend Maria prayed over Jeffrey and I. She compared marriage to a partnership and a beautiful picture came into mind. Jesus once sent out his disciples in two before Him, to preach the gospel to different cities. I thought about those relationships, that those men would have leaned so much on each other for strength, prayer, and they would have spent so much crucial time together. They had to be on the same page because they were speaking the gospel to many places and sometimes being ridiculed. They couldn't have kept secrets, and they weren't in these cities to do their own thing. Such a closeness and bond, and all for a purpose. I believe marriage is this type of partnership.

Changing that picture to a sexual relationship before the Lord would bless us with it, warps the picture. It changes is from about Him and His wishes and purposes, to our own desires.

I could slap bible verses all over the place and condemn you all, but why would I do that when I've "been there done that". We're all guilty, and if you're not aware of the guilt you have before God, you must be missing out on the majority or scripture. And if you're not aware of His grace, you're missing out on a whole lot more...


Tuesday, November 27, 2012


Dear Daughters,

Did you know sex within marriage comes with freedom?

Today I was discussing my relationship with God with someone, trying to be honest about how it felt at this point. Often it's easier to understand where we are with Him if we think about it like marriage. I've also seen that it's easier to compare reading the word and prayer with sex, or at least the intimate feeling that comes with it. For more on this see My Facebook Note.

So I explained my relationship with God like this:

It's like we live in the same house, we share the same bed, but we never speak. It's like we are never home at the same time. A empty house that is full of quiet. It's as if people come over for dinner and I tell them how great our relationship is, but I feel lonely, like I haven't seen Him in weeks.

Don't take this as me saying it's His fault, but that I've kept Him far off because I'm afraid of what He might say. The problem is, I'm denying Him intimacy with me. It's the same in marriage - the more distant you are the worse your sex life is. You can't have intimacy with someone you aren't in communion with.

So for those of us who feel abandoned, how do we come back to intimacy with the One we love?

The same as in marriage, it starts with talking, with being honest. Honesty leads to trust, and trust leads to unity. Once we are one we begin to enjoy the fullness of unity, intimacy, and joy.

In marriage, there is freedom in sex. We are free to enjoy each others' company and our marriage and grow in our relationship. With God this looks like freedom in serving Him, that we don't feel like we have to serve Him or burdened but that we enjoy doing so because that is our intimacy with Him. Serving God because we feel like we have to is like having sex with our husband for the same reasons. If this is not what God desires, we are shaming Him as well.

I pray for all of us today in a quiet and lonely home, that we begin to take the steps to filling our relationship with freedom and intamacy again. That we remember the love we had as newlywed brides.

“I remember the devotion of your youth,
    your love as a bride,
how you followed me in the wilderness,
    in a land not sown. 
 Israel was holy to the Lord,
    the first fruits of his harvest.
All who ate of it incurred guilt;
    disaster came upon them,
declares the Lord.”
-Jeremiah 2:2-3 


Wednesday, August 29, 2012


Dear Daughters,

Today you won't be called out by me to change everything that you are, get your act together, or start praying for all the things that are wrong about you to be better. Today you'll be asked to check your heart, if you think these things will save you.

I have found, very recently, that my prayers have turned into good works. I have been so focused on needing to make myself better and because of that my prayers only centered around requests for myself to change. Not praise, not lifting up friends and family, not awe. Prayers of please do this and that. I never realized I was forgetting to awe the Creator, I was using my prayers as a form of good works. But I really never believed anything I was praying could be done, because I felt too messed up to fix.

I didn't understand God doesn't want to "fix" us, He wants to heal us. He wants to have relationship with us. He does do sanctifying work (Phil 3:12-16) and we should not stop praying for Him to move in our hearts.

However, I've realized there are two types of joy, old joy and new joy. New joy is when we pray for something and it happens and we are thankful. Old joy is when we remember the joy from the past- answered prayers, past events, etc. I believe a big problem with our praise is that we only focus on new joy. We forget to remember the things He has already done.

Today my only request from you is to stop dwelling on all the things you think are wrong in your life and in your heart and start praising Him for the many things that He has done. He deserves praise. Not someone who always asks and never says thank you.

We are the 10 leapers who come to Jesus to be healed. He sends us out with a requirement (a request He has in order to heal us) and we go away with exactly what we asked for. But let us not be like the 9 who never return to say thanks. We must be the one humble enough to return and praise Him, for He is worthy.

I love you all and my heart burns for you,


Thursday, July 19, 2012

Daily Bread.


I realize reading the Scripture is a hard habit to get in to. My boyfriend and I have this mutual agreement that almost anything you do right takes a lot of consistency, and it isn't always the easy way. It would be easy to plop open the Bible every day to a new section every day, read something random and call it a day. It would be easy to get an app that gives you feedback on a verse without looking much into it.

These things are wrong, not at all, but not everything is beneficial for you (1 Corinthians 6:12).

The Scripture is hard to understand, let's face it. It was written in a different part of the world two centuries, and then some, ago. It's hard for us to relate simply by reading. It requires seeking out answers to questions and doing a little leg work. Most people hear that and give up, but really, it's not that hard and once you understand how to do it, you will get so much more from it.

So for those of you who just don't know where to begin, there's so much hope!

So I want to explain a few things. Firstly, there's a certain heart behind reading the word that is essential. You need to fall in love with the word.
Lastly I'll give you the layout for how to get started (this one's gonna be good!).

Fall In Love

When you love something it's all you talk about. After the feelings go away though, it's all about the choice to love. Sometimes the Scripture is really easy to read. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to want to open it up. But I don't stop loving my mother because today is hard, I try harder to love her because she's my mother. 
When the feeling fade you must find yourself in prayer. How can God deny a request to love His word, it's what He wants for you and it will be what's best for you. 


When I started a membership at the gym, it was really hard for me to go alone. I didn't know how to work the machines well, I didn't have a routine, and I felt really alone. Eventually I stopped going. When my boyfriend and I picked it up together, he showed me how to work other machines, we built a routine and we always went together. Now I can go by myself and I enjoy it.
My point is you're not always supposed to do everything alone, at least not always at first. You won't want to all the time and some people tend to give up when no one pushes them.

A Plan

Don't set your standards too high. I've always thought the Bible is best when its not read at speed. It may take you days to read a chapter, that's okay. Sometimes it's easy to skim and miss important things that take time to mull over. Speed is not the point, it's the heart. But you want a plan, to keep you in check and so you don't read a sentence a day (out of laziness) and call it quits because there's no expectation. 
Okay, I know this blog is long, but here's the good stuff!
There are just a few steps: 
1) Know the context
 a) Who is writing it?
 b) Who's the audience?
 c) What's the subject/culture?
2) Read the text
 ... as if you've never read it before (try to do small sections at a time)
3) Ask questions!
 Everything that comes to mind! Even if you "think" you know the answers 
4) Read the sources and get the answers
 Don't go just anywhere for info. The Esv Bible website and Blue Letter Bible are great tools. These are two good and proven sources. (Remember, not everything on the internet is true!)
5) Pray, Worship, Live, and Share. 
 The purpose is to grow. You put to practice what you learn and read. It helps to journal, you can see the progress when you do. Still, it's important to pray out of the word, it helps direct this to God and show you how to grow. For instance:
In reading Galatians 5:1 (For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.)
You could pray, "Lord, please teach me to live in freedom. Bring to light ways I make myself a slave to my sin. Forgive me for not standing firm in freedom."
You can worship though reading. My pastor play worship music when he reads so that he can sing and rejoice or weep and lament with the lyrics and the words. It helps him worship. 

All of this is just an idea. The great thing about reading is there isn't really a right or wrong technique to building your habit. But most importantly, don't make excuses. This is important. 
Psalm 119:72
The law of your mouth is better to me
than thousands of gold and silver pieces.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Grace of a Father.


Yesterday, I had a realization that greatly encouraged me, it wouldn't be fair if I didn't share it.

I've realized that we often have a hard time understanding grace. We become easily frustrated with each other and ourselves and very miniscule things cause us to be bitter towards one another and even hate one another. We would assume that things would be the same with God, that His grace would be limited like man's is. Without scripture to tell us otherwise, this is a understandable assumption.
How could God love a murderer after what he's done? How could He love you and I after all we've done? Beyond that, we fail Him day in and day out- we don't keep promises, we forget what we learned yesterday, and we go behind His back consistently. Surely, even if He could still love us, He loves us less now because of what we've done, right?
Even if we proclaim grace with our mouths, we can still believe a very different "truth" underneath, in our hearts where no one can see how wrong we could be. Then, in believing this doctrine of false grace, we find ourselves failing to tell others of His love and it becomes harder and harder to show grace to others.

If God is not gracious there is nothing to proclaim. If He's not the Great Forgiver there is no need to show forgiveness to other.

 But there must be a flaw in this doctrine. Because if God is not fully gracious and completely forgiving there is absolutely no hope. And do you not know that if He is not fully gracious He is a liar? Is He is calling you into love only to hold a grudge? God's love is an absolute. It either is, or it isn't. And for those called by grace, it always is. You cannot break the love that you didn't begin and you can't outdo His grace, there's always more to be found. 

You see, if God's grace was limited to man's goodness, then we would still be under the law, and we are now under a law of grace (Gal 2:21). God's grace is given freely, and never held back. It is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23) so the things of yesterday are no longer held against us. 

The easiest way for me to understand grace is through a metaphor. God is our Father and we are his children. If you know anything about children, you know they forget discipline easily, they disobey often, and mostly feel no regret for that. But a Father doesn't love His children any less because they are disobedient. He doesn't hate them when they forget to wash their hands before dinner. He doesn't regret having them when they act out or feel ashamed to call them His own when they forget His teachings. He loves them just the same, and He knows they will grow and learn with time. He's patient. 

And He is abounding in mercy, always faithful in grace.