Friday, January 11, 2013

Why Wait?

Dear Daughters,

The closer you get to marriage the harder it is to understand. Why wait until we're married to have sex? I mean, we're getting married one day anyway? The only difference between now and then is a paper with our signatures, a new last name and some other minor details. Besides, how does a traditional ceremony change our relationship?

So why wait?

I could write you a novel on the topic; Been There Done That would be the title. I used to convince myself in my first relationships everything in the previous paragraph. Now, I'm in a relationship I have even more confidence in and waiting is not grievance, but a tremendous blessing. Having sex with the same person for the rest of my life and waiting until our wedding night is a joy. There are certain characteristics that show in people falling prey to the lie that waiting doesn't make it different.

Men and women who don't wait show a lack of self-control.
I sat down with Jeffrey one night. We agreed when we first started dating to set specific boundaries, we agreed we needed to be open about sex and communicate our feelings, anticipations, and fears very openly. Still, there were safe boundaries of communication, making sure we guarded our own hearts from temptation. This kept us pure, kept us anticipating, and shows self control.

Men and women who don't wait are avoiding Biblical conviction.
(this is going to be my most lengthy point)

Let me clear, I'm speaking to believers here. For those who don't believe, you may or may not face conviction. How can I preach to you do right without teaching you grace?
But for those who have faith, claim Christ, but behind the scenes their under the covers, how can you not have conviction? If you don't, it's what I would call spiritual numbness. Let me go on a tangent for a moment to speak to this group:
It was just like every other time. We said we wouldn't do it again - not that we were having sex, but it was close enough for discomfort- yet there we were, struggling to say no. I'll spare you details, but by the end it I felt no guilt. Every other time there was a silence that followed and you could feel the shame in the air, weighing down our hearts. The apologizes would follow and the promises I knew wouldn't be kept. I didn't want to do it anymore, but I didn't know how to stop. This time I didn't feel a thing, I was totally numb to any conviction. I just didn't care anymore.
Luckily this wasn't the end to my story, but for those of you there, conviction can't be all about emotion. There's logic to it too. This does not please God and He actually has better for you.


Men and women who don't wait miss out.

"Miss out?! What can be better than sex?"

How about a godly relationship that can show others His character? You miss out on this huge blessing when you throw conviction aside. How about a confidence and security that only come from sex within marriage (which we'll talk more about)? How about the freedom that comes outside of sin?

You may think that you're getting all the perks of marriage without the commitment, but really you're missing the whole point! Let me explain with an example. When Jeffrey and I sit down and discuss sex in a way that keeps us both on the same page (without being graphic or cuddling up real close) we find security in our relationship. If Jeffrey were to take what he thinks he deserves I always run the risk (not matter how sure I think I am) that he might not choose to be in a relationship with me down the road. There's also this stange peace that comes from the fact that this man loves me and desires to please me, much more than just sexually!

Which brings me to my next point.

Men and women who don't wait miss the point of marriage.

It's not sex (who knew!?). It's humility, grace, unity, prayer, responsibility, love, compassion, service, partnership, love... love.. and then some sex to show more love and service and... you get the point (hopefully). If you were only waiting for you're wedding day to have sex, you're going to be disappointed. Because sex doesn't last. If that's driving your idea of marriage and your relationship, you're missing out.

My friend Maria prayed over Jeffrey and I. She compared marriage to a partnership and a beautiful picture came into mind. Jesus once sent out his disciples in two before Him, to preach the gospel to different cities. I thought about those relationships, that those men would have leaned so much on each other for strength, prayer, and they would have spent so much crucial time together. They had to be on the same page because they were speaking the gospel to many places and sometimes being ridiculed. They couldn't have kept secrets, and they weren't in these cities to do their own thing. Such a closeness and bond, and all for a purpose. I believe marriage is this type of partnership.

Changing that picture to a sexual relationship before the Lord would bless us with it, warps the picture. It changes is from about Him and His wishes and purposes, to our own desires.

I could slap bible verses all over the place and condemn you all, but why would I do that when I've "been there done that". We're all guilty, and if you're not aware of the guilt you have before God, you must be missing out on the majority or scripture. And if you're not aware of His grace, you're missing out on a whole lot more...


Chelsy.


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